why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
