that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
