I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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