Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
