Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
