i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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