he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
