but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
