I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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