I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
