Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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