There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
