I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
