I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
