I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
3 2 1 whiskey
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
