I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
