i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
