please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
