I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
