ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
