I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You made out with two different species that night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I lost the right to judge tonight
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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