dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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