There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize