He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
