but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
