dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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