I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
