Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
