this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
