My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need water and some morals
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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