I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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