Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
