I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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