From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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