I intend to get homeless drunk
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
