this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize
