# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
