ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
