sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
