it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Randomize
