I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
