Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
