i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
