this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
