i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
