dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
