so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
