and you said cock pushups were impossible
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
