Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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