i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize