were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
