you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
