You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
