coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
