Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
