wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
