The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
