We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize