I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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