Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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