we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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