he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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