I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You did what with his pubic hair?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
