don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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