it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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