glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
