dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
