The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have post one night stand depression
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