The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
