you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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