we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize