she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
