I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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