does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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