I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
