I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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