none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
