Where is the hickey?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize