All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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