I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
