Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you never un-have a 4some
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
