Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
