she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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