It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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