So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
