Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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