I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
