Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
