Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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