I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
