Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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