Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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