u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
