Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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