she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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