Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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