Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
