i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
