Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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