she was so not down for the gang bang
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
