I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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