The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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