I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she smelled like a LAN party
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
