The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i think i just lost a toe
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
