No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
