All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have fence marks all over my body
Let's get the cat blown out
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
