Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
