Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
